Below are thoughts from books I have written and moments I have found. They are in a jumbled order, as they perhaps came to me.
Below are thoughts from books I have written and moments I have found. They are in a jumbled order, as they perhaps came to me.
You Walk Through Me
Without knowing me, seeing me, we shall meet again.
Please don’t look away, nor should you stop, wince and stare.
I will condemn you not, I am ambivalent, though little you may care.
I am the obstacle, the unseen, whose voice screams unheard,
My dreams are long dead and by society’s pleasantries interred.
My creaking bones remind me that I could once jump and play.
In those innocent, unbridled years hope overfilled my day.
My view was once bright, laughing, my thoughts tumbling and robust,
Now it has grown coldly dim, as I scrabble for an unwanted crust.
I see your strut fade in the gloom and cast off your duplicity as you lie.
No need to fear, my eyes weep not, my soul lacks the fortitude to cry.
I see you no more, though I sense the distant, cruel clatter of your heels.
My hope-filled heart, by your freezing glance, still withers and congeals.
Yet, know that within my gloom-riddled soul, there still sleeps a spark,
And with the mornings sun, it shall rise to float on the love song of the lark
Because as each sunrise births a crumb of glistening, effervescent hope,
So too, I for that splintered wonder, in the alleys, I proudly grope.
So pass me not in pity, keep your glare of infectious, putrid disdain
For my vision sleeps in your guilty mind, where we shall meet again.
*****
See the colors of my Mask
How can you claim to know me, when gazing at my face?
Is it that you pigeon-hole me, according to my race?
How can you predict my response, or determine what I crave?
Is it that you draw on your fears, to assume how I will behave?
Where do you glance, when I approach you on the street,
Do you veer away, disdain, avoid me so our eyes will not meet?
Where do you hide, when I stand near, tarnishing your pristine public view,
Do you pose and strut, as if equality was what you held true?
What is your reaction, should your hand perchance touch mine,
Do you feel sullied, as if you had touched some common, lowly swine?
What is your judgement, should my love embrace your child,
Do you disparage, denigrate, feel your family has been obscenely defiled?
Why do you ignore me, shutter-out my every innocent plea,
Is it that you are frightened by my cause, should you have to bend a knee?
Why do you suffocate the truth, obliterate the facts of history,
Does it soothe your insecurities or does it reinforce your bigotry?
When will you step away from the crowd and drink the truth of your heart?
You could stand alone, proud and revel in the glory of being apart.
When will our children laugh and tumble, unaware of their skin?
We should stand in shame, their separation, is our greatest sin.
Who are we to draw a line and demand this is the time for change?
We are the hungry, who yearn to drink the spectrum of humanity’s range.
Who are we to request that you change your repugnant ways?
We are the child of many gods that sits alone in the corner and prays.
So gaze upon me and drink in the variety of color and hue
And know I am patient, try to understand, regardless of what you say and do.
*****
The Malaise of Motivation
The bleeding ink from my pen labors onto the tear-strewn sheet,
I wrestle with the creeping fear of loss, that I am tossed asunder.
My feckless mind quivers in doubt, like a lamb afraid to bleat.
Must I decay, my spirit go cold, has my intent lost its thunder?
Surely, NO, I can still rail at the moon and enthuse my passion.
For there is no one, but my haunting shadow, to taunt me with abuse.
I shall not submit, my throat tightens, nails on the cliff edge of compassion.
My grim thoughts swirl tempting insult and derision to garrote my muse.
Why so short a lease did inspiration in my mind spend?
Was the sole purpose but to torture me with the whore of doubt?
My silent scream bays, NO, that is not my creative end.
I shall spin my words and flush this putrid idleness out.
For infirm of purpose is a stateless, ghostly drifting curse,
And one my innocent yearning shall obliterate and soundly reverse.
*****
Your love fills me through every season.
Are you not my spring?
Your breath is fragrant like lilac, enthralling my belief,
Your cheek glistens like the purity of a buttercup, playful in its leaf,
Your step is the whisper of blossoms searching for a sun,
Your voice melds love upon my heart, making it one.
Are you not my summer?
Your laughter tumbles over me as clouds play across the sky,
Your warmth tingles through me like the sun dances on my eye,
Your life force glows to encase me with the enveloping heat of noon,
Your touch like soothing sunshine dizzies me to swoon.
Are you not my autumn?
Your lips in chorus, with blushed cheek, call of bounty’s crest,
Your heart rustles like fallen leaves with the languor in your breast,
Your fingers caress my barren arm branches, coloring my hope,
Your essence robs my senses teasing them to elope.
Are you not my winter?
The mellow snowdrifts of your form entreat my spirits to soar,
Your love like pristine ice pierces my soul to the core,
Like hoarfrost on tree branches your love stands brittle and strong
To be your lover for eternity is all that I should long.
Are you but a dream, a phantom of my hope?
Are you but a vision, for my heart to merely grope?
Perhaps you are a blossom, twinkling in the breeze
Or the heart flush of spring, to melt winter’s freeze?
You are the morning songbird, your heart song fills my ears,
You are the giggling baby that moistens my eye to tears,
You are the running schoolboy, with freckled toothless grin,
You are all things to wonder at, captured and graced within.
Should I approach and display my love’s worth?
There are no arms could hold so vast a girth.
For I am smitten, enraptured, lost to all reason,
My only desire is to love you through each unending season.
From The Bench. A poetic delusion novel. Love on a park bench #4
****
TEACH ME ...
How can I stand when your love swells my heart?
How can I think when desire tears me apart?
I feel awash in the ocean, my heart chained to a rock,
To know of your love stuns my heart into delighted shock.
I fear I shall not be the man you search for in your dreams
And yet my love bursts my heart, shattering its seams.
I fear my state is too lowly to warrant love of such force
And yet my hopes fly unfettered, blind of any course.
Tell me how to love you, how to make your world glow
For in my wildest dreams I want our souls to float and grow.
Tell me how to worship you so I may see your desires soar,
For all my love into honored intentions, my soul shall pour.
There is no greater gift than to be the man standing at your side.
I shall honor you forever with my undying pride.
****
YOUR PRESENCE
It enters through my night dream softly, drifting and unsure.
It snuggles warm in my memory happy and secure.
I know the source, it stands beside me, brave and persistent.
It embraces my heartstrings forever, bound and resilient.
Yet each morning the fluttered smile echoes a truth so pure ,
That I remain spellbound by the wonder of your allure.
There is no stopping it; my soul will not relent,
For your heart’s beauty is unwavering and intent.
For years I have been love-struck and of this must endure.
I do so with pride, for my passion wants no cure.
So, as I fade and the ravages of age start to show,
Know that the bloom of my love for you shall ever, ever grow.
****
YOUR GAZE
My love is a leaf spiraling from a treetop plunging to the depths below.
I know not where my journey winds nor which path I must follow.
Yet I fall without fear, concern or undue regard,
I know that this rushing plummet of love is my reward.
I spin unknowing, relishing each moment’s twist and turn.
Every direction is a glimpse of your beauty to which I yearn.
For to be in your gaze, that lush, consuming hold,
Leaves my soul brazen, my love grows bold.
I trundle downward and pass each branch and tethered leaf.
I feel no sadness in my demise, no bottomless grief.
For I have held your beauty in my eye’s embrace,
And to me in this world there is no higher grace.
****
YOU
Your laughter drifts on sunshine, like clouds float in the sky,
You smile bursts through the morning, as birds begin to fly.
Each day the sight of you grows the love within my breast.
Each moment away from you is my heart’s greatest test.
To see you wander the garden, your essence brightens the day.
To see your sparkling eye, chases the night shadows far away.
To hear your voice lifts my soul to a place of nurtured delight.
To hear your breathless whisper would turn day into longing night.
I know your spirit is playful never pausing to rest.
I know your eyes are magic, quick to smile and jest .
So to me you are a puzzle, the spark for my heart’s fire.
To me you are the one love, my heart’s only desire.
****
LOST
The day feels grey, it sleeps in grim repose,.
I know not where to turn, my love now feels a wilted rose.
Without you in my day the sun is gloomy and dark ,
Without you in my world there is no life, no spark.
Where shall I go, what shall I do, when all alone?
How should I breathe, why think, when desire does but groan.
I feel castaway, my love abandoned on the shore,
My heart is desolate, empty my dreams glow no more.
Though spurned I feel but one hope, one shred of fate,
To live in idol suspension, my heart for you must wait.
Should you return and find me no longer for your intent,
I will end all hope and my love song shall only then relent.
Forever. One lost to you .
****
AN ANGEL LANDED
My heart soars in excitement at this unexpected view,
The truth of heaven’s wishes is the vision of you.
How often I have prayed to see you, forever in my dreams.
Now you are here and are even a greater beauty, so it seems.
How can perfection improve and soar so high?
It is for a heart but to wonder and never question why.
Time has been a godsend and enhanced your every grace,
Nature rests spellbound at the beauty upon your face.
My words are but a dog’s ear, pathetic and coarse,
But know that my honor for you shall have no recourse.
You are but an angel to light upon my world,
But as a once lost love, my heart’s wishes are again unfurled.
Welcome home angel.
****
Me For You
How can I stand, when your love swells my heart?
How can I think, when desire tears me apart?
I feel awash in the ocean, my heart chained to a rock,
To know of your love stuns my heart into delighted shock.
I fear I shall not be the man you search for in your dreams
And yet my love bursts my heart, shattering its seams.
I fear my state is too lowly to warrant love of such force
And yet my hopes fly unfettered, blind of any course.
Tell me how to love you, how to make your world glow
For in my wildest dreams I want our souls to float and grow.
Tell me how to worship you so I may see your desires soar,
For all my love into honored intentions, my soul shall pour.
There is no greater gift than to be the man standing at your side.
I shall honor you forever with my undying pride.
from the Novel: I love you, I’m Sorry. I’m sorry. I love you.
****
My lost Love Revisited
It enters through my night dream softly, drifting and unsure
It snuggles warm in my memory happy and secure.
I know the source, it stands beside me, brave and persistent
It embraces my heartstrings forever, bound and resilient.
Yet each morning the fluttered smile echoes a truth so pure,
That I remain spellbound by the wonder of your allure.
There is no stopping it; my soul will not relent,
For your heart’s beauty is unwavering and intent.
For years I have been love-struck and of this must endure
I do so with pride, for my passion wants no cure.
So, as I fade and the ravages of age start to show,
Know that the bloom of my love for you shall ever, ever grow.
From the novel: I love you, I’m Sorry. I’m sorry. I love you.
****
First I cried for myself.
My eyes cast across this being, this shrinking confused self, and sought a shred of distance, lest I catch some breath of fear.
The crippling gloom washed over, a tide of foamed waves drowned me, heartlessly rejecting a ‘once-ever’ love to reappear.
Then I was angered by myself.
Rushes of expectation thundered in my chest, demanding respect, justice — all I knew was my given right.
The red rage splintered my thoughts, wanting to strike-out and pummel others, force upon them the devastation of my plight.
Then I laughed at myself.
Seeing the fallacy of my anger, the thin ice of presumption and abandoned deception that constructed my precious space.
Rolls of uncontrollable laughter rattled through me, stealing my voice, taking my breath, as absurdity tickled my face.
Then I pitied myself.
Looking back I stood on a corner and I cast my soul asunder searching for solace, yet I found no understanding, nor a place to turn.
In shivering darkness, enshrouded by brooding walls as judgement lashed my skin, I withered, a parched riverbed left to burn.
Then I amazed myself.
Through the grey swirling mists I stepped not tentatively, but resolute, defiant, my belief yearning to soar alone,
To grasp that which wrenched my soul and neutered my spirit, by vanquishing it from my blood and bone.
Then I loved myself.
Through time, I allowed a warmth to return and immerse me so I again may wallow, laze, in plentiful desire,
It surged through me with welcoming rushes of love’s confusion and lusting limbs that reached out to fan and flame love’s holy fire.
Now I finally knew myself.
Listening alone to the morning lark, as it caresses the dawn’s breeze, my senses burst and love begins to thrive.
For nature resides within me and this wonder ensures — I am alive.
***
Fear is Love's Achilles Heel.
Full of love, yet empty of resolve, a love sleeps unsown.
To love you is to gaze at the ocean and search for your soul,
To breathe your beauty is to fly in ecstasy and lose control,
I know the purity of my heart and its ever-reaching desire
It chases the sunset, to grasp your love and never tire.
Should bliss rest your lips upon mine, I fly with delight.
Should your smile fall upon me, my heart outshines the night.
For in my soul there is no greater gift than my honor for you,
There is no higher love than mine for yours to pursue.
I stand alone, marooned in madness, my arms desperate for you to hold,
I toss in dreams of a future together, in a love we may unfold.
But I am just a figment, a butterfly with lovelorn heart
I feel cast asunder to float in dreams, to honor and to never part.
The fear to love torments me, giving tremors to my hand
It wrenches my hope strings, frightens my purpose with demand.
The tide is billowing, crushing hope, like crisped autumn leaves
I lay whimpering as my chided soul grieves.
Were I blessed with more strength, more repose to stand,
I would be before you thundering with love’s command.
I would lay my truth out, bold, innocent and unafraid.
My love would stand before you all powerful turning sunshine to shade.
But for to me your heart is my eclipse, its moment of paling shadow,
I quiver at rejection, my love sleeps lonely in distant fallow.
***